Monday, March 23, 2009

A Typical Day in My Life


I used to wake up before my mom and dad, but since something called “daylight savings time” they now get up before I do. Mom or Dad opens the door on my crate right after the alarm goes off and the radio man starts to talk . . . and then I step half-of-the-way out and stretch my front legs. Then I step all-of-the-way out and stretch my hind legs. This is when I routinely get complemented on how much I gave grown overnight and get my leash connected to my collar.

Next, I lick whomever opened my crate door and then get up on the bed and lick whomever didn’t. Then it’s time for me to go OUT. On the way, I take a quick chew on the nearest toy, and when the bedroom door is opened I stick my head out into the hall and reconnoiter for cats. If any cats are lingering, I stare them down until they cower and slink away. (For this story, I’ll ignore the times when they fluff up their fur and hiss at me.) When my counter-cat mission is completed I make a mad dash down the stairs, pulling my person behind me. I stop at the front door and walk out on the front porch, hoping nothing scary like a big truck, a snow plow, a school bus, or a jogger is going by.

When the coast is clear I head out into the yard and, having done so much since waking, I pee right away on the grass. Then I walk into the driveway and look for the morning paper. When I see the paper, I approach it from my right side and turn my head 90 degrees towards it so my parent knows where it is. (I have no idea how they found it before I came to live here.) After that I walk around our yard looking for things to smell and sticks to nibble on. Then it’s to my secret lair, where I poop on groundcover vines. (Well hidden, but I still hope it will keep away outdoor cats and other dogs that may stop by.)

Then it’s another mad dash to the front door. Once inside I get my leash off so I can go into the kitchen where my big brother and sister have been sleeping. Once in the kitchen, I serpentine wiggle towards the laundry room where my food dish is—every inch of myself is excited about breakfast! I get 1.25 cups of puppy food and a puppy vitamin each morning. Then the laundry room door is closed so I do not steal food from my siblings, as they eat slower than I do.

When they are done eating, I am let out of the laundry room and then sprint to the community dog water bowl for much lapping and splashing—this always results in puddles. (No water in the bowl? I just dig in the metal bowl and make a ruckus until they pour more.) After that, I sit by or under my parents while they eat breakfast and read the paper that I found for them. Following their breakfast I get leashed and go OUT again for a post-breakfast voiding. (That’s British-speak for going to the bathroom). Next, I say goodbye to mom and dad takes me upstairs into my bedroom where I pretend to get tricked into going into my crate by chasing a yummy treat he tosses in for me.

I nap and chill in my crate till my dad comes home and we repeat the stretching and going OUT like when I wake up in the morning.
Next it’s into the kitchen and family room area where my big brother sniffs me (he must be losing his sight) and then tells me that although I am getting bigger he’s still Top Dog in the house. Next I go to see my dog sister, who still has not forgiven me for pulling off all the fur from the tip of her tail when I was a little puppy.

After that its PLAY time for me and dad. We play fetch, and tug, and slobber until his glasses need cleaning. Then dad gives me a CHEW toy and we watch a show he recorded for me while I was asleep (luckily I like Sci-Fi TV shows) and then we watch NCIS on the USA network (Abby is my favorite cast member, as she saves military dogs from bad things). I like to chew my toy cuddled up by my dad while he pets me in between playing with his BlackBerry and keeping track of the TV.

When mom comes home all three of us dogs bark like crazy as it means time for DINNER. Mom feeds me while dad feeds my big brother and sister. After we are done with dinner and “have taken care of business” outside its time for a short evening nap. (I strongly suspect that the people eat their dinner during this time.) After my evening nap there are hours of uninterrupted playing, walks, watching TV, chewing on toys or playing tug, going OUT and, if I’m lucky, chasing cats!

My day ends with one last trip OUT and then its upstairs to play seal. (You don’t know about the seal game? It involves a tennis ball and squirming around while writhing on the bed.) Then I let them trick me again with a yummy treat, and I get into my crate for a good night’s sleep. I am very lucky to have typical dog days that are so filled with fun and love!